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My brothers “raped” my parents but I “killed” them.

I’m new to social media but thought it might be a good venue to tell a true story; vent my feelings; and perhaps, get some feedback and hopefully support and interpretations from others whether my story is egregious, out-of-line, or justified in being divulging.

Actually, I would imagine that the title itself is egregious but, obviously, it is to garner attention. My brothers didn’t rape anybody and I didn’t kill anybody.

My story starts in late August 2008, when my Dad, a prominent retired Des Moines, IA physician, fell and hurt his back. He was hospitalized then transferred to a physical therapy rehab hospital. After my Dad was initially hospitalized by Mom, a retired R.N., was left to be home alone. My brothers (2 older, 1 younger) and myself agreed to take turns staying with Mom. I initially started staying with Mom 24/7. My brothers never followed thru and helped out.

Anyway, during the time my Dad was in physical therapy, my brothers “conned” them into a voluntary guardianship / conservatorship. They took total control of their money, assets and where and how they would live. Their goal was to eventually “warehouse” them into a nursing home. On or about 9/24/08, my oldest brother Bob (eventually to be appointed conservator) suspiciously picked up my Mom at about 8:00am with the intent to take my Mom to visit Dad. While at the rehab hospital my brother Tom (next oldest); attorney Greg Kenyon; and my Mom and Dad participated in a court hearing by phone with probate Judge Ruth Klotz. My brothers Bob and Mark (youngest and eventually to be guardian) were in her “judge’s chambers.” The judge approved the guardianship / conservatorship without ever meeting face-to-face with my parents.

I had no prior knowledge this was going to happen nor was even being proposed. Whom of you think this should have been a family decision which would have included me?

I found out about it later that day (9/24/08) when my Mom told me there was a “strange man” (i.e. Greg Kenyon) and Tom in Dad’s hospital room. She gave me Greg Kenyon’s business card and she had written on it “something about the will.” Upon visiting my Dad later that day, he said there had been a judge in his room.

Note: prior to this my parents had not been diagnosed with dementia; memory problems; or, any abnormalities with their cognitive functions. Also note, they were in good physical health other than my Mom had some heart and lung problems, but those she had dealt with for over 20 years.

Also note, to enter into a voluntary guardianship / conservatorship one must be “ruled” mentally competent by a judge which obviously Judge Klotz did.

I know a little about guardianship / conservatorship. I knew that doing so one gives up most of their “rights,” control over their lives, and assets (except one’s civil rights.)

So, once I found out I called Bob. He told me that my Dad was concerned with getting his bills paid since he was in the hospital. He was “old school” (and somewhat of a chauvinist) always wanting control over my parent’s finances. I told Bob a guardianship / conservatorship was not needed to pay Dad’s bills, but just a power-of-attorney or even simpler yet – a joint checking account. For many years Bob had a joint account with my parents since he was often out-of-town for extended periods and ironically wanted a situation where my parents could timely pay his bills. I asked him why I wasn’t allowed to be involved in this decision. He said we (he and my other brothers) didn’t want me to interfere.

Shortly after this I talked to my brother Tom about what was going on. He said that after Dad had fallen and was hospitalized, he and my other brothers (without my input) had decided to take control of our parents’ lives and put them into a nursing home. Note: many years prior to this (as my parents were aging) on a number of occasions my parents had me promise them never to put them into a nursing home; that they wanted to live and die in their home where they had lived for sixty years. Obviously they could well afford to do that.

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